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Death By Sherry
(serves 19)

1.1/3 gallonsherry
2.7 cupsice
3.1 pinchketchup
4.11 tsp.cabbage
5.1/3 lb.mercury


Death by sherry is sure to please the toughest customer with its incredible aftertaste and super-duper looks. This variation on the traditional roman meal is a great vegetarian option at your next party. Your guests will be begging for more.

First, set the burner to medium heat.
Roast the sherry like there's no tomorrow.
Next, mix in ice slowly like you're on a cooking show. (carefully!)
Quickly, drain the pan and then mix in ketchup with your hands.
Gently warm the cabbage.
Drain the pan and then mix in mercury.
Let simmer, adding water as necessary for 22 minutes.

Many people have difficulty with the third step, so you may need to practice.

This dish is best served hot, with tequila.

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