Ask Dr. Snoot

Dr. Snoot is the universe's premiere problem solver. He's a Doctor of Philosophy, a Doctor of Pyschology, a Lord of the Dance, a Lawyer -- no -- Judge, Doctor of Love, a Spin Doctor, an Archaeologist, Sandwich Artist, and even one of those real doctors who can prescribe pills or cut you open to rearrange your insides, whatever those are called.

Best of all, Dr. Snoot loves to solve your stupid problems. He'll even do it for free! Just go ahead and tell him your problem, like you're writing into some pathetic newspaper column. But Dr. Snoot isn't just some hack columnist, he's the real deal! (Look at his monocle!)

To ask Dr. Snoot a question, or ask him for advice on your troubles, visit the submission form. To just read about other people's problems, look below or click on the months to read back-issues.

Problems solved by Dr. Snoot

8 / 2003

3 / 2003

A mystery with males.
why on earth do guys parade around in my underwear when they think I'm not home?

– Give me back my nickers!


Actually, I don't know anything about this, because boy snoots only wear one piece of clothing (not counting monocles): hats. We do it to keep our private bits from showing. Maybe that's why earth guys wear underwear?

PS. I hear they do it in space, too.

- Dr. Snoot

A problem with farts
Why do your own farts smell nice, whereas other people's make you sick?

– Galactic Hero

I don't know, man, but my farts smell really nice.
how do i hack into computers

tell me how to hack

– bob

Bob, instructions for hacking:

First, get some really cool t-shirts. Go to Goodwill. You need a t-shirt with the Atari logo, one that says "Free Kevin!" and one that says, "got root?".

Next, watch The Matrix with your friends and keep going, "I did that," after anyone does anything cool with computers.

Then, install FreeBSD.

On your number pad, replace the 3 with your E key, the 7 with your T key, and the zero with your O key, etc. Try to do most of your typing over there.

Finally, hack into the government's computers.

- Dr. Snoot


5 / 2002

Grade A meat
What do snoots taste like?

– J-Rod


1 / 2002

Boys and Girls
How do youknow if a boy likes yo?

– Lover of boys


Well, that's easy. All boys like yo. That's why they say it so much. "Yo brutha! Shiiiiiit." You know.

- Dr. Snoot


11 / 2001

9 / 2001

8 / 2001

5 / 2001

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