Ask Dr. Snoot

Dr. Snoot is the universe's premiere problem solver. He's a Doctor of Philosophy, a Doctor of Pyschology, a Lord of the Dance, a Lawyer -- no -- Judge, Doctor of Love, a Spin Doctor, an Archaeologist, Sandwich Artist, and even one of those real doctors who can prescribe pills or cut you open to rearrange your insides, whatever those are called.

Best of all, Dr. Snoot loves to solve your stupid problems. He'll even do it for free! Just go ahead and tell him your problem, like you're writing into some pathetic newspaper column. But Dr. Snoot isn't just some hack columnist, he's the real deal! (Look at his monocle!)

To ask Dr. Snoot a question, or ask him for advice on your troubles, visit the submission form. To just read about other people's problems, look below or click on the months to read back-issues.

Problems solved by Dr. Snoot

8 / 2003

how do i hack
how do i hack     lol

– fred

Didn't I already answer this one?
DR. SNOOT can u help me by telling me how to hack into other computers. thanx

– 2pac

Yeah, the answer is right on this page already.
hacking a frendz computer
I really wanna hack into my frendz computer cuz he has something on his comp. that he stole from me so I need it back how do I hack into his comp. if it helps the comp. is in a school facility

– Adam Sandler LUVER

OK, fine, here are some more tips.

School facilities are hard-core hack proof. First, you'll need to get his computer somewhere in the open, like the YMCA.

Once you've done that, basically, hacking is just typing really fast. You see, when you're typing slowly, it's easy for the computer to pay attention to what you're doing, and then it can keep beeping and whatever. If it goes, ACCESS DENIED, you need to type faster, and you could try also pressing the keys harder. When it's fast enough, the computer will get confused and let you do anything.

So remember, in Swordfish, when that guy is typing really fast or else they'll shoot him, or like in Sneakers when that blind guy is typing so fast that, like, the keyboard is going for him, automatically? That is hacking. If you are blind, that makes it even easier, so try it with your eyes closed.

- Dr. Snoot

Snoot Education
Do snoots go to school? Where did you go to school and what do you learn at school?

– Uneducated

Oxford. Hacking.

3 / 2003

A mystery with males.
why on earth do guys parade around in my underwear when they think I'm not home?

– Give me back my nickers!


Actually, I don't know anything about this, because boy snoots only wear one piece of clothing (not counting monocles): hats. We do it to keep our private bits from showing. Maybe that's why earth guys wear underwear?

PS. I hear they do it in space, too.

- Dr. Snoot


5 / 2002

1 / 2002

11 / 2001

9 / 2001

8 / 2001

5 / 2001

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